


Not the Same Person

by Phandiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comfort, First Time, Kissing, M/M, Nerves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandiction/pseuds/Phandiction
Summary: Dan is self conscience about his weight during a make out session with Phil and stops them before they can continue. Phil changes his mind.





	Not the Same Person

Dan’s mouth hangs open, eyes closed in pure bliss. Phil is leaving scolding, rough kisses along his jaw. His hands hold Dan’s body solid where they sit on the couch. They’ve been at it for a while now and things have only gotten more intense as the minutes pass. Dan’s aware of how sore his lips and tongue are but it’s certainly not something he’s concerned about. His hands are fisted in Phil’s shirt determined to keep him there forever even if Phil doesn’t seem inclined to leave anytime soon. Phil is panting against his lips and Dan can feel his heart pounding a hundred miles an hour where his other hand presses against the older boy’s chest. He feels teeth scrape gently along the pulse point on his neck and groans obnoxiously. Phil chuckles against his skin and does it again. Phil is so good at this. Which Dan is grateful for, though it also makes him wonder who he’s the chance to practice on and if he things about too hard the thought drives him mad. After all, they’ve been friends for years and Dan doesn’t recall seeing too many people trudge up the stairs to Phil’s room. There was that one guy…Kevin…  
Dan however, is still new to this. Not the kissing Phil thing. That’s been going on since their realized very non-platonic feelings for each other were expressed a few months ago. And when they first met in person all those years ago there had certainly been drunken make out sessions that they didn’t speak of the following mornings. That had been a long time ago though. And Dan hasn’t been very...active since that time.  
Over those years a lot has happened. Him and Phil’s popularity sky rocketed, events happened, interviews occurred, they’d even started writing a book and for Christ’s sake. As their entire career involves the internet they’ve spent a lot more time on it as well. Yes, believe it or not this does all have to do with why Dan’s heart suddenly flips anxiously as Phil’s hand slides down his back and onto his hip, not so subtly playing with the loose part of his shirt. Dan’s eyes shoot open in panic. You see, all this sitting around on the internet, eating pizzas because the book gives them little brain power to think of something to make for dinner, existential crisis causing him to lay in bed till two PM…all of this has resulted in some weight gain.  
When Dan first noticed the changes to his body he tried desperately to change his eating habits. But Phil was no help to that as he enjoyed the pizza as much as Dan did. Why didn’t the bastard seem to gain weight at all, no matter how much he ate, thought Dan bitterly. His frustrated thought came out in a physical as he bit and pulled at Phil’s bottom lip. Phil yelped but the act only made him more excited. He pushed Dan down onto his back, forcing a breath out of the younger. Shit, shit, now look at what you’ve done, Dan curses at himself. Him and Phil hadn’t necessarily discussed the idea of sex in their growing relationship just yet. It’s certainly been on their minds. But things are different now. Dan has grown up. He didn’t have the skinny, tanned, tight body that he did when him and Phil were last sexually active together.  
Dan hates that he cares so much about how he looks. He knows Phil. Phil is the least judgmental person he’s ever met and the fact that he’s afraid of what the man will think of him is very unfair. He’s aware of that. It’s not as if Phil hasn’t seen him with his clothes off. It’s just…different now.  
Oh God. Dan says to himself as Phil’s hand inches up his shirt. His body is very ready to accept this touch but his mind starts reeling. He can’t let this happen yet. He needs to lose weight first. Yeah, that’s a good idea. He will put himself a diet right away and then Phil will never know how bad Dan has allowed himself to get.  
Dan releases his hold on Phil’s shirt and encircles the wrist of the hand that has continued moving under his shirt. His mouth is still engulfed in Phil’s as he shakes his head fervently, fear punching him in the stomach. Of course Phil is going to think that Dan simply doesn’t want to have sex with him. He’s going to think the worst. He’s going to think Dan doesn’t want him at all even that is completely, absolutely not true in the slightest. If it wasn’t for this slight problem, Dan would likely be shoving his hands down the man’s pants.  
His predictions of Phil’s thoughts are confirmed when the older pulls away, resting his elbows on either side of Dan’s body and looking down at him in hurt wonderment. His eyes begging for an explanation. He tilts his head to the side and Dan wants to cry with how horrible of a person he is. His emotion is apparently evident in his eyes. Phil reaches a hand up and brushes the hair from his face  
“Dan? What’s wrong?” His voice is so utterly pitiful, so sad sounding.  
“I…I just…can we…I don’t want to. Okay? I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.” Dan swallows the painful lump in his throat.  
“Shhh, it’s okay. I can wait for as long as you need.” Phil shakes his head in understanding. Or what he thinks is understanding. He places a chaste kiss on the boy beneath him’s forehead. “It’s okay Dan, really. It doesn’t change anything.”  
Dan’s voice comes out shakily. “Are you sure? You promise?”  
Phil smiles at him. “Of course I’m sure. I want you tonight but I’ll want you every other night too. Can you tell me why you don’t want to continue? Am I doing anything that makes you uncomfortable?”  
Dan lets out a short burst of laughter. “No. I just…” He averts his eyes, scanning briefly over himself and subconsciously. Trying to suck in his stomach. “You haven’t seen me…without clothes on for a while.” Dan feels his face burning with humiliation.  
Phil’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “So?”  
Dan’s eyes widen. “So? So I’m not that skinny teenager you used to make out with! The pizzas and the sleeping in and oh my God.” Dan covers his eyes with his hands and groans. When Phil doesn’t say anything and he can’t handle the silence anymore he peeks from between his fingers. Phil has a cheesy smile on his face and is looking at him. Dan drops his hands slowly. “What? Don’t look at me like that.”  
“Dan, you are so, incredibly ridiculous and blind.”  
“W-what?” Dan replies uncertain of what Phil means.  
Phil snorts a laugh before pushing himself up into a sitting position. He takes Dan’s hand and pulls him up too. He places a hand on Dan’s cheek, stroking it and fiddling with his hair. He’s staring at Dan with so much affection that an unexpected pain burst through Dan’s chest. How could he look at Dan that way? He certainly didn’t deserve it.  
“Daniel Howell, since the day I saw that MySpace profile picture, and seeing you in person at that train station, and staring across at you at that Starbucks, you’ve been the most beautiful, sexiest person I could ever hope to have in my life.”  
“But that’s the thing Phil. That was when I was younger!” Dan tries to tell him. Phil only shakes his head. He takes Dan’s hands in his own.  
“I thought that a year ago when I woke up on my birthday and watched you make me pancakes in the kitchen. And when we spent an entire day doing nothing but play Mario Kart in our pajamas. And at that YouTube party where I watched you beside me, holding a drink and laughing at something I said that was probably not that funny.”  
“Phil-” Dan started, shaking his head and looking away. He was just trying to make Dan feel better. That’s what Phil does. He couldn’t mean any of this.  
“No. I’m not finished. And then there’s that time you fell asleep on the couch after having a little too much to drink and I wanted to kiss you so badly. Oh, Dan you have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you in that moment and I couldn’t because you weren’t mine yet.” Phil closes his eyes as if recalling the memory. He sighs happily. Dan swallows, meeting Phil’s eyes when he opened them again. And still Phil doesn’t stop. The man leans close to Dan, whispering against his lips, his voice trembling slightly. “I’ve wanted you to be mine for so long Dan. And you are now and I love you. I’ve always loved you. You as a person, you as Daniel James Howell,” Phil tilts Dan’s head up to kiss him lightly, so gently that Dan almost doesn’t feel it. “You drive me crazy. Your body drives me crazy. I want to be with you Dan. I want everything about you to be mine.”  
Dan’s breath hitches as a hand snakes up his shirt again. Fingers tickle his abdomen and he’s squeezes his eyes shut in panic and disgust for himself. He’s about to pull away and Phil knows it. He connects their lips again, more fervently this time. He moans into the kiss and Dan’s body shutters as Phil’s hand skims across his skin.  
Phil pulls just a centimeter away to whisper something against his cheek. “Does it look like I care at all about anything you’ve just said? Tell me Dan.”  
“No.” Dan can barely speak the word but he knows it’s the truth. Phil really doesn’t care about how he looks. But he does care about he feels and that’s why he’s saying all of these things. Dan closes his eyes, pushing forward and kissing Phil again. Dan has a hundred negative thoughts about himself and no one has ever been able to change his mind about a single one of them until this moment.  
“Good. Now, is there any chance we can continue where we left off?”  
Dan grins against Phil’s lips and nods defiantly. “Please.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt given my Anonymous on my phandictioned.tumblr.com Send me prompts!


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